Author Archive for Gary Marston

Blood Bowl Review

Give me a B! Give me an L! Give me an O-oh screw this, what do you get when you cross the crazy antics of American Football with the fantastical monstrosities of Warhammer? A perculiar little game called Blood Bowl. So perculiar, infact, that it earned our reviewing attention!

Views: 258

DualShockers Game of the Year Awards 2009!

Welcome to the 1st Annual DualShockers Games of the Year Awards 2009! To conclude this year, we have 11 awards to give away to a whole host of the best (and worst) games of 2009. However, our awards may be a bit different from what you see everywhere else. The categories are: Sexiest Female Character, Sexiest Male Character (we had to), Best Multiplayer Game, Best Graphics, Worst Graphics, Worst Plot, Best Downloadable Title/DLC, Best Exclusive Game, Biggest Let Down, and our pick for 2009’s Game of the Year. Uncharted 2 lead all titles with 5 Nominations, and there’s also a surprising winner for biggest let down of 2009. Make sure to also check out our bonus award for our most anticipated title of 2010. Also, make sure to celebrate (or cry about) your titles winnings or losses in the comments section! Enjoy the awards, we know we did!

1) Sexiest Female Character

And The Nominees Are:

Harley Quin – Batman: Arkham Asylum

Lucy Stillman – Assassin’s Creed 2

Chloe Frazer – Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

And the Winner for the Sexiest Female Character of 2009  is….

Chloe Frazer !!!

This sexy little femme fatale has had gamers from all around the world wrapped around her little finger. Yes, the time for “raiding tombs” has peaked – step up… Chloe Frazer! That’s right! Our first award for the year goes to Uncharted 2’s latest leading lady! Here at DualShockers we applaud voice actress Claudia Black and the hardworking game designers at Naughty Dog for creating not only the sexiest virtual woman we’ve encountered this year, but one of the deepest – most three-dimensional character’s we’ve seen this gaming generation. Commiserations to the talented (and equally as sexy) Kristen Bell and every mentally ill boys’ pin-up, Harley Quinn – but this year Uncharted 2 becomes the first title to scoop the frosty ice-cream of achievement into their glorious bowl of victory. A poor joke? Some may laugh, others may criticize – but what do you all care! You’re all probably Google searching her right now, ready to fap away.

2) Sexiest Male Character (yes, we went there):

And The Nominees Are:

Nathan Drake – Uncherted 2: Among Thieves

Chris Redfield – Resident Evil 5

Super Mario – Mario and Sonic at the Winter Olympic Games

And the Winner for the Sexiest Male Character of 2009 is….

Super Mario !!!

Who’d have thought it, eh? Who’d have guessed that an aging, over-weight Italian plumber, rehashed to battle fantastical creatures in a sports venue would actually “take home the gold” for our second award? I’d imagine not you, but you better believe it! Whilst this was the closest category we had this year (with Chris Redfield missing out by a whisker), it seems DualShockers is proudly saying “frak you” to the perfectly handsome, chiseled and witty man of yesteryear – and are opting to support exactly what Super Mario stands for. Yes, he may be short – and he may indeed be irritating to anyone over the age of nine, but the amount of joy he has brought to gamers in all walks of life is something far “sexier” than all those other materialistic things this world has to offer. Well done Mario, SEGA and Nintendo - keep up with the big boys!

3) Best Multiplayer Game

And The Nominees Are:

Left 4 Dead 2 – Valve

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 – Infinity Ward

Borderlands – Gearbox

And The Winner of the Best Multiplayer Game of 2009 is…

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 !!!

Congratulations Infinity Ward and Activison, you’ve hit the nail on the head once again! If you haven’t heard of COD – where have you been? The biggest selling, most highly anticipated title of “all time” stormed shelves late this year in November, making GTA IV’s multi-million success look like child’s-play! Yes, it may be true that many people complained – stating that Modern Warfare 2 was so grandiose in scale and budget that it lost the entertainment value held dear by many of Call of Duty 4’s beloved, worldwide fans. Well, with a landslide amount of votes it is clear to say that DualShockers have crowned Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 the king of the multiplayer games this year. With improved graphics, physics, gameplay, perks, weapons and AI to name but a few – make sure this is on your pick up list, as we can guarantee you’ll be hearing a lot from it in 2010.

4) Best Graphics 0f 2009

And the Nominees Are:

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves – Naughty Dog

Killzone 2 – Guerrila Games

Batman: Arkham Asylum – Rocksteady Studios

And the Winner for Best Graphics of 2009 is …

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves

Another tough call – but the fantastically realistic Uncharted 2 picks up its second award from DualShockers this year! With some of the best character models and in-game animations we’ve seen, combined with fantastic environments and superb lighting effects in both the night-time and sunny sequences – Naughty Dog once again pip many other solid titles to the post. Whilst Killzone 2 and Batman: Arkham Asylum were graphically great in their own right, other factors were taken into account (such as frame rates and cut scenes being graphically equivalent to that of the in-game visuals) making Uncharted 2 this year’s best looking title. PS3 owners, now is the time to party!

5) Worst Graphics 0f 2009

And the Nominees Are:

SAW: The Video Game – Zombie Studios

Blood Bowl – Cyanide

Operation Flashpoint: Dragon Rising – Codemasters

And the Winner for Worst Graphics of 2009 is…

SAW: The Video Game

What’s that SAW? You want to play a game? Well I hope it’s not your game – because you’ve just won the award for the Worst Looking Game of 2009! You’ve even lost out to Blood Bowl – and that looks like crap as well! While we recognize you did your best to ‘capture’ the ‘essence’ of the SAW movies, you completely forgot that this is the seventh generation of gaming we’re all playing! We live in an era of “High Definition” where millions of pixels are utilized to present crystal clear, realistic graphical depictions of life. Therefore, giving gamers environments consisting of three dark brown colors blotchily scraped together isn’t exactly our idea of “next gen.” You even have that irritating syndrome where you walk into a wall, and suddenly it all becomes one color with no detail on it whatsoever! WHY!? With a unanimous landslide in the voting arena, DualShockers deem SAW suitable for the PS2. It hurts to say this – we don’t like being the bad guys, you tried and really that’s all that matters. Maybe you should have just stopped half way through and taken a quick look at how you were doing so far? … Then maybe go back to the drawing board… then maybe just stick to the films…

6) Worst Plot in a Game in 2009

And The Nominees Are:

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand – Swordfish Studios

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 – Infinity Ward

Section 8 – SouthPeak Studios

And The Winner for Worst Plot in a Game for 2009 is …

50 Cent: Blood on the Sand

Hey look, it’s 50 Cent! He’s cool, he’s muscular – what a role model for teenagers all around the world. Hahaha – and no Kanye you little whippersnapper, he doesn’t preach that he’s the genius voice of a generation – he just raps, pulls all the ladies and then rides off in his chariot made of gold…. or so we thought! Yes, the award for ‘Worst Plot in a Game’ goes, without a shadow of a doubt, to 50 Cent’s ridiculous Blood on the Sand. For anyone that’s played the game and taken a few moments to review the storyline, do you find yourself saying ‘what were they thinking!?’ I hope so. Good old fiddy’ is out with his band G-Unit, giving the crowds what they want in his latest sell-out tour. After the gig, he is saddened to discover that he can’t be paid actual money, but instead settles for an Indiana Jones-esque Crystal Skull. It didn’t work in Indiana Jones, and it certainly doesn’t work here! Who the hell would offer a Crystal Skull anyway? And why would 50 Cent accept it!? Nevertheless, things go from bad to worse for 50 Cent as the skull gets stolen by an evil organization and what follows is a rampage through many Middle-Eastern locations, killing thousands of soldiers in an attempt to retrieve it. So… what else is there to say? Well done 50 Cent: Blood on the Sand. You won something… kind of. Oh but at least the dialogue is good! I mean – we love listening to 50 Cent pointing out the obvious ‘… Oh no! That bitch stole my skull!’ Classic.

7) Best Downloadable Title/DLC of 2009

And The Nominees Are:

GTA: The Ballad of Gay Tony – Rockstar Games

Flower – That Game Company

Fat Princess – Titan Studios

And The Winner For Best Downloadable Title/DLC of 2009 is…

Flower !!!

Well done Flower! Blending the concept of nature and gaming together, ThatGameCompany hit the jackpot with their exclusive February release. The brilliant reviews and raving hype were completely justified, as Flower really is the ‘Best Downloadable Title of 2009.’ Whilst fighting against strong competition with our other nominees (Fat Princess and GTA: TBOGT both being fantastic titles) – the utilization of the PS3’s axial movement, and combination of unique and innovative gameplay means that Flower is the best 10 bucks you’ll ever spend.

8 ) Best Exclusive Game 0f 2009

And The Nominees Are:

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves – Naughty Dog

Left 4 Dead 2 – Valve

New Super Mario Bros Wii – Nintendo EAD

Halo 3: ODST – Bungie

Killzone 2 – Guerilla Games

And The Winner of The Best Exclusive Title of 2009 is …

Left 4 Dead 2

Marginally leapfrogging Uncharted 2 in a race for our ‘Best Exclusive Game of 2009’, Valve’s Left 4 Dead 2 is a fantastic, unique and rewarding title, that entertains copious amounts of audiences and really justifies what exactly you are paying for with Xbox Live. We felt it was a game you not only needed to play, but one you had to experience. To players of the original Left 4 Dead game, this may seem nothing more than an enhancement on the original formula (not necessarily a bad thing), but to newcomers it will feel like the best thing since sliced bread. The inclusion of melee weapons, updated Versus and new modes such as Scavenge – Valve has ensured that their rapid year of hard work has not been spent in vain, as Left 4 Dead 2 scoops the medal for our favorite exclusive game this year!

9) Biggest Let Down of 2009

And The Nominees Are:

Halo 3: ODST – Bungie

Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 – Infinity Ward

Operation Flashpoint 2: Dragon Rising

And The Winner of Biggest Let Down of 2009 is …

Halo 3: ODST

Some people may argue they weren’t looking forward to a majority of these nominees, but if you owned an Xbox 360 – chances are you were once more sucked into the hype surrounding the latest Halo release. With promises of the game being gorgeous looking, extremely entertaining and far more unique to play. Fans around the world were let down with Bungie Studios’ latest efforts, which arrived as barely an improvement on Halo 3 (a game made 2 years ago). There was very little original about Halo 3, so to rehash the same material in an extremely short, disappointingly mundane new package – Halo: ODST simply has to take the cake for our ‘Biggest Let Down of 2009’.

10) DualShockers Game of the Year!

The Moment You’ve All Been Waiting For…Here Are The Nominees (in no particular order):

Assassin’s Creed 2 – Ubisoft Montreal

Left 4 Dead 2 – Valve

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves – Naughty Dog

Killzone 2 – Guerilla Games

And The Winner of The DualShockers 2009 Video Game of The Year Awards is …

Uncharted 2: Among Thieves !!!

Congratulations to all of the fantastic nominees, but Naughty Dog achieved this year what no one else could – a refined, rich and cinematic experience with absolutely no bugs and very few persnickety flaws. Yes, even Xbox 360 “fanboys” seemed impressed by the feat pulled off by the PS3. The “visually stunning” and “perfectly handled in all areas” story of Nathan Drake, and his exploration for Marco Polo’s Chintimani stone, is one we felt deserving of every award it received, and for us this year – that makes a grand total of 3! One of the co-founders of DualShockers has this to say on just why Uncharted 2 is this year’s best game:

“Uncharted 2 takes gaming to another level in just about everything it does. Of course, just like any other game out there, originality isn’t its biggest perk; but what it does borrow from other games it improves on with brute force. And because it perfects on just about every plausible category, I would dare say that its one of the best games that I’ve embraced in my years of gaming.”                                                   – Yaris Gutierrez, DualShockers Editor-In-Chief

To read the full (double) review, just click HERE and find out more reasons why Uncharted 2 takes home the gold this year.

Congratulations Naughty Dog, you guys deserve it!

***Bonus***

11) Most Anticipated Title of 2010

And The Nominees Are:

• BioShock 2 (Xbox 360/PS3)
• God of War III (PS3)
• Fable III (Xbox 360)
• Halo: Reach (Xbox 360)
• Final Fantasy XIII (Xbox 360/PS3)
• Heavy Rain (PS3)

And our final award of the year goes to…

BioShock 2! Yes, 2K Marin’s upcoming release has got us all at DualShockers counting down the days till its arrival on store shelves! Not only is it our most anticipated game of 2010, it has been said to be one of the most anticipated games of all time! It will have a tough job on its hands beating Modern Warfare 2, but revisiting the world of Rapture through the eyes of the very first Big Daddy is something we feel no one deserves to miss out on! One final commiserations to God of War 3 – which was pipped by one deciding vote to the post on our final award this year. Nevertheless readers, stop and take a good look at all of those nominees.

With all of those titles and more to look forward to in this upcoming year – aren’t we oh so lucky?

This concludes DualShockers’ ‘Game of the Year Awards 2009.’ It has been a tough job picking and choosing our favorite titles from these past 12 months, but all we can say is a big congratulations to all nominees and winners who made it through this year! Join us again next year when we’ll be awarding more gold medals to our favorite games of 2010! Have a safe and pleasant New Year and Happy Gaming!

Views: 1578

Ego Draconis Xbox 360 Skins and Gaming Mouse Pad Giveaway!!

That’s right my DualShockery friends – cdv Entertainment are pleased to announce that their latest title, Divinity II – Ego Draconis, is the centre of attention in their latest festive giveaway! You have a chance of obtaining both a Xbox 360 skin or PC mouse pad, featuring intricately detailed, high-conept art that will bring the in-game world of Rivellon to life like never before! The skin for the 360 completely wraps around the console, transforming it into a medieval slaying machine! HOW COOL DOES THAT SOUND?

To be in with a chance of getting this funky item, be sure to head on over to www.honorofrivellon.com to register. Not only are there skins and pads, but Divinity II are giving a way a ton of great prizes! Don’t miss out!

Views: 16

Orbital on the iPhone goes “Supernova”!

Good readers of DualShockers, it seems that Christmas has come early this year for iPhone users! One of the platform’s most popular and celebrated games has been updated with a brand new game mode to keep you entertained over the Holidays. Orbital 1.2 introduces the new mode, Supernova.

Supernova mode incorporates some of the new reqeusted features (as determined by some secretly carried out fan-poll). The new shot mechanism allows you to pinpoint your orb placement by touching, dragging the laser guide, and releasing to shoot. The most requested feature update was chain reactions; so now orbs can explode nearby orbs and players earn bonuses for pulling off chain reactions.

A man named Andreas Hüppi (The CEO of Bitforge) says:

“Orbital is a game whose enjoyability and addictiveness are variable based on the conditions that determine its difficulty: friction, gravity, cannon and orb speed and control. We’ve taken the best and most asked for ideas from fans and players and incorporated them into the new Supernova mode which we hope players find to be a distilled and concentrated version of our digital crack.”

Hope you guys get spending that christmas cash on this title – it sounds addictive, refined and a hell of a lot of fun!

Views: 24

Army of 2: The 40th Day – IN LONDON?

Big news for Army of 2 fans, and the general British public… Salem and Rios (main stars of Army of Two: The 40^th Day) are coming to London to promote the game’s upcoming release! It is said they will arrive in January, and will be doing a host of press-junkets, signing copies of the game, riding the Army of Two battle bus (sounds a bit gay) and mixing with A listing celebs!. Try to be in London for January and I’m sure you can be in for a chance of meeting them!

For a comedic clip of the two MISSING their train, you’ll want to go: here.

Merry Christmas!

Views: 38

Braid Review (PS3)

I must admit, when I was given the opportunity to review Braid I wet myself with excitement. Not only did I know nothing of the game prior to my playing of it, but the honour and respect it has ascertained from many of the industry’s aficionados made me believe I was in for one hell of a treat. Once again – the general public, fellow reviewers and most importantly designer Jonathan Blow have let me down, and what I was once lead to believe as being a work of genius, is in actual fact far duller than watching paint dry (it’s an old saying, I’m bringing it back… frak you. )

It’s always best to start on a positive, and what a positive it is! The ending of Braid, I can safely say – is one of the best endings in video game history. Without giving anything away, it is without a shadow of a doubt the most unexpected and most intelligent ending I’ve ever experienced in my many years of gaming. I feel that every gamer out there should at some stage have the opportunity to play the game just for its conclusion. It saddens me then to think that in order to get to that stage; you must endure hours of what can only be described as head-boredom.

Yes, Braid is a game touted on its originality and visuals. It plays like the lovechild of retro Super Mario, the latest cell-shaded Prince of Persia and LittleBig Planet – and that’s no bad thing. You hear gamers’ complaints all the time, “It’s not about the graphics, it’s about the gameplay,” and this is a biggie for me when it comes to reviewing. Yes, Braid looks special – taking place within a painterly world with interesting characters and design features, but at the end of the day it’s just a dull, dull game. The level of intelligence required to complete some of the puzzles in no way hinders your enjoyment, but its repetitive nature and relatively average conundrums leave you feeling just plain bored. Braid is simplicity at its best, using the X/Square button to rewind time in the event of death, the analogue sticks to move and A/X to jump. Simplicity is effective in games such as Mario and LittleBig Planet – as they were games created with innovation in mind. The worlds, bosses and gameplay of Mario defined a generation, and LittleBig Planet was so successful at what it did that Sackboy became the mascot of Sony’s PS3. Braid does nothing except regurgitate essentially another Gameboy Mario title, with more of a story and better visuals. I saw that Jonathan Blow created and funded Braid – and that’s admirable. We are in need of fresher, more independent titles – but developers really do need to get their thinking caps on, because Braid plays like one of those flash games you can find and play for free on the net.

It also does little to excite and reward its players, and seems to pompously rely on its time reversal technique and artsy visuals. Oh yes, and that’s my final quarrel! Braid seems proud to boast ‘you can do so much original stuff, like reversing time!’ on both their website and trailers as one of their marketing reasons for you to purchase the game. Hang on a second… Are we just completely over looking Prince of Persia? Do we all suddenly just stop and think ‘Well Mario could never reverse time… Woah – this game’s onto something!’ NO. So stop bragging about it Braid, and get back to the drawing board.

For people who enjoy intelligent, yet unnecessarily complicated narratives and repetitive puzzle-solving gameplay – Braid will be your chocolate cake. However for people who enjoy a varied experience with their gaming, with lots of content to keep you hooked and immersed – then I sincerely suggest you look elsewhere, as Braid seems to lack in major departments… like Profiteroles filled with air.

Views: 144

Give Your Brain CANDY With Bittos E!

Views: 15

SEGA Wishes you a Merry Christmas!

What’s this? No Sonic? No Mario? Has SEGA perhaps turned over a new leaf – squaring up to the likes of our beloved black monoliths and Sexbox’s?

Maybe. Perhaps too soon to tell – all we have to go on is this nice festive greeting from SEGA. Merry Christmas one and all!

Click here.

Views: 22

Braid Review

I must admit, when I was given the opportunity to review Braid I wet myself with excitement. Not only did I know nothing of the game prior to my playing of it, but the honour and respect it has ascertained from many of the industry’s aficionados made me believe I was in for one hell of a treat. Once again – the general public, fellow reviewers and most importantly designer Jonathan Blow have let me down, and what I was once lead to believe as being a work of genius, is in actual fact far duller than watching paint dry (it’s an old saying, I’m bringing it back… fuck you. )

It’s always best to start on a positive, and what a positive it is! The ending of Braid, I can safely say – is one of the best endings in video game history. Without giving anything away, it is without a shadow of a doubt the most unexpected and most intelligent ending I’ve ever experienced in my many years of gaming. I feel that every gamer out there should at some stage have the opportunity to play the game just for its conclusion. It saddens me then to think that in order to get to that stage; you must endure hours of what can only be described as head-boredom.

Yes, Braid is a game touted on its originality and visuals. It plays like the lovechild of retro Super Mario, the latest cell-shaded Prince of Persia and LittleBig Planet – and that’s no bad thing. You hear gamers’ complaints all the time, “It’s not about the graphics, it’s about the gameplay,” and this is a biggie for me when it comes to reviewing. Yes, Braid looks special – taking place within a painterly world with interesting characters and design features, but at the end of the day it’s just a dull, dull game. The level of intelligence required to complete some of the puzzles in no way hinders your enjoyment, but its repetitive nature and relatively average conundrums leave you feeling just plain bored. Braid is simplicity at its best, using the X/Square button to rewind time in the event of death, the analogue sticks to move and A/X to jump. Simplicity is effective in games such as Mario and LittleBig Planet – as they were games created with innovation in mind. The worlds, bosses and gameplay of Mario defined a generation, and LittleBig Planet was so successful at what it did that Sackboy became the mascot of Sony’s PS3. Braid does nothing except regurgitate essentially another Gameboy Mario title, with more of a story and better visuals. I saw that Jonathan Blow created and funded Braid – and that’s admirable. We are in need of fresher, more independent titles – but developers really do need to get their thinking caps on, because Braid plays like one of those flash games you can find and play for free on the net.

It also does little to excite and reward its players, and seems to pompously rely on its time reversal technique and artsy visuals. Oh yes, and that’s my final quarrel! Braid seems proud to boast ‘you can do so much original stuff, like reversing time!’ on both their website and trailers as one of their marketing reasons for you to purchase the game. Hang on a second… Are we just completely over looking Prince of Persia? Do we all suddenly just stop and think ‘Well Mario could never reverse time… Woah – this game’s onto something!’ NO. So stop bragging about it Braid, and get back to the drawing board.

For people who enjoy intelligent, yet unnecessarily complicated narratives and repetitive puzzle-solving gameplay – Braid will be your chocolate cake. However for people who enjoy a varied experience with their gaming, with lots of content to keep you hooked and immersed – then I sincerely suggest you look elsewhere, as Braid seems to lack in major departments… just like Profiteroles filled with air.

Title: Braid
Developer: Jonathan Blow, Number None. Inc, Hothead Games.
Publisher: Microsoft Game Studios
MSRP: 1200 MSP
Release Date: 8/6/2008
Review Copy Info: A copy of this game was provided to DualShockers Inc. by the publisher for reviewing purposes.

Views: 126

Celebrate Chistmas with Scribblenauts!

‘Twas a cold day in December, when all through the ‘net,

No creature was stirring, not even a keyboard cat;

And gamers were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of Scribblenauts danced in their heads;

Maxwell sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle;

His stylus, how it twinkled! His Rooster Hat, how merry!

And we heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,

“Happy Holidays to all, and to all a shiny Starite!”

The good guys at Scribblenauts are now offering you all a festive christmas background/artwork for free! Download and enjoy, ho ho ho!

Views: 19

Pre-Payed Plastic, Sports fantastic!

I’m back to my old wiley ways of nonsensical but somewhat relative news titles, and today I am here to announce that EA Sports have launched the first ever Pre-paid debit card, allowing loyal customers to purchase their favourite EA Sports titles! This reloadable card is said to enable any user to recieve a percentage back from every purchase made at online retailers. This system apparently allows you to redeem points, dubbed “EA SPORTS Reward Points”, that can be used to purchase certain sports titles.

EA Global Marketing Vice President Todd Sitrin says,

“The EA Sports DebitSmart Visa Card is a great opportunity for us to offer our community of loyal customers a new way to purchase and save on their favourite titles. Consumers use the card while making their everyday purchases and are rewarded with EA Sports video games! This program is a perfect marriage of enoucraging responsible spending while providing a unique reward programme.”

Will it be fantastic fun? Or a fumbling flop? We’ll let you decide.

Views: 78

Why Reviewers Can’t Say Anything These Days

Gamers, we have a problem. As you relax right now, casually using those precious eyes to read this article, there is an epidemic plaguing our society. An epidemic that is raping us of our dignity, and pillaging us of opinion. Its “coming to light” has not been subtle either – we, as a nation, have been aware of this quandary for many a year and what have we done? Nothing… nothing….

Have you ever found yourself uttering the words: ‘I’m not a fan-boy, but…’?

Bingo. We’ve located the issue. As you may have already guessed, I’m under the belief that nobody is entitled to their opinion anymore in this day and age. Why does the term ‘fan-boy’ even exist if so many ‘fan-boys’ are against being called ‘fan-boys’? Reviewers are physically paid to voice their opinion, vent their frustration and to – as their title suggests – review something. It’s inevitable that such a saturated games market will coincidentally lead to a saturated forum of frantic idiots, I just don’t understand why these people feel the need to spend hours of their life making sure they cuddle everyone who shares their devotion to a game, and rape everybody else!

The first time this whole situation came to my attention was during the onslaught of one of the gaming industry’s most famous viral outrages. Gamespot reviewer and free-thinking ladies man Jeff Gerstmann was apparently hounded, then fired for his “far too critical” review of Kane and Lynch: Dead Men. For anyone interested, you can watch the infamous review here. Weirdly, I enjoyed the game and for the most part disagreed with Jeff’s comments – however there was never a motive to attack him or the site out of my disagreement. It’s his job, it’s his opinion and at the end of the day it created a large buzz and interest. The resulting decision however is just ludicrous, and it is the most important reason I have supporting my argument. Perhaps a rather humorous bashing of others is fine in context, but when it reaches these extremes – bombarding the diverging opinions with genuine threats and ultimately making a human being get fired from their job, this is when we have to stop and think. How does this world work? You’ll employ me to review a game, then fire me because it’s not what the public want to hear?

This isn’t a rant about “freedom of speech”; that would just be god-awful boring. No, this is more of an enquiring comment. A comment questioning what it is that actually encourages this large minority to defend every recent release, boasting that it is without a shadow of a doubt “the best game of all time.” Readers let me ask you, how many “best games of all time” have we had? Upon Call of Duty 4’s release, friends and forums alike praised the title to all odds and ends. Anyone that proclaimed it as being mildly average was hounded for being (and I quote) “A Leisure Suit Larry cum-fag fan-boy who can’t play the game properly.” I can tell you right now that, despite being a hilarious argument, it is not the case. I think it’s one of those compulsory things – any true gamer will have at some point in their life been subjected to hours of first person shooters. They all follow a similar format, which is why I find it difficult to understand the argument “you’re just bad at the game, so you trash-talk it.” All shooters are essentially the same; I run around a map shooting people whilst trying to avoid being shot at simultaneously. It’s not  difficult – an infertile man’s ejaculate can do that capably, so what comes next? “Oh well, you’re just a faggy fag face anyway, it’s the best game of all time.” Brilliant argument, you’ve most certainly got me beat… for about an hour, as it feels like virtually the next day something like Assassin’s Creed 2 or Batman: Arkham Asylum is released. Then guess what? Lo and behold, it’s a middle finger to Call of Duty ‘cos these games are without a doubt the best games of all time. And so on and so forth.

To conclude, for any reader that believes I am making a mountain out of a molehill, I invite you to read my previous article bashing Uncharted 2 for its clichéd storyline. A reasonable criticism some of you may agree with, however the amount of hate I received from DualShocker’s members makes me wonder if they’d even taken my argument into account. It’s as if all gamers are mindless foul-mouthed drones, programmed to write as much pointless ungrammatical garbage depending on how many times the opening sentence declares it ‘loves’ the game. I was new to the site N4G, uploaded that article, and within a matter of minutes I’m pretty sure half the users had “blocked” me. How disappointing. How single minded, impatient and disheartening.

So now I’m calling on you guys. You right there – the everyday man (or woman). The casual gamer who doesn’t care about articles such as these, but can’t stand the 10 year old Xbox Live morons who scream obscenities in protection of their virtual religion. I need you.

Let’s end this.

Views: 171